Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We left the knife in your bed.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
