did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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