i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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