i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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