People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
