Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
