I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't deserve a penis
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
