im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize