A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
