Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
