I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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