Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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