I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
