***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
