Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
honey bunches of taint.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
