fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
