K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
