just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I cannot find my penis.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
