what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
