Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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