Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
