ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
