I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
