I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
