when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
