So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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