Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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