I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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