actually, I'm a sock model
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
