i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Boobs are out for the taking
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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