Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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