I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
