Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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