Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
