Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
