hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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