Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
