I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
