We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
