My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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