apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
