Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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