why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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