After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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