You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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