Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
