Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
