I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
