He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
