Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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