Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
40s are totally the cure
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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