Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
