We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
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You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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