I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
