my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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