I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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