I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
