I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
