Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
