Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
