everyone is single if you try hard enough
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
