Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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