***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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