you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
