she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize