my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
