did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
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He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
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She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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