"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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