Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
