is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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