My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
