Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
