Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
