So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
